My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
