we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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