Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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