are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
