So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
