I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
