Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
