Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
