I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
