I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so explain again why im purple
no
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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