Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
