We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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