so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
