i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
