Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think my moral compass just broke
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