I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
