i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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