just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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