I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
