I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
