seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
