Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
