Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
