I accidentally burped into my bong.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
