you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
