Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
