bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
