I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's never too late to be topless.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
