Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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