Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
my liver is dry heaving
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
