Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
