Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
