it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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