She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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