I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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