She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize