just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
