apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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