i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The air was thick with penises
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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