saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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