He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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