i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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