Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
