i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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