New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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