i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
