Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
