oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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