In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
