Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
