Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
