I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
