lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
