You just made me feel so damn special
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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