I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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