My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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