i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
this hospital has no fireball
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
