The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
