I want to stick my p in your. b.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
