If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
