you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
