Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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