I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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